I am no expert that’s for sure. In my most humble opinion it is a gift. A gift, if we truly choose to receive it, that stays forever. Even when we pass to the next …. whatever is next. I believe we carry it with us. I believe we also leave it with others.
I believe there are many different kinds. Like in friendship, self, romantic, parent/child, for what you love to do for work, adventure, literature, art, etc. It really is all around if we pause for a second to breathe.
Recently I was in Santa Monica for a short trip. I felt a deep resounding love for the place where I basically became an adult. The street corners I walked around in good times and bad. The bungalow where I thought I found love, more than once, where my daughter was born and took her first steps and where I cried when my Father died. Where I wrote so many songs while gazing out the window at the rose bushes that bobbed in the ocean breeze. Can’t count the times I sat on the porch of that creaky little house and marveled at my luck to live in such a place. I didn’t mind that it was tiny and slightly dilapidated, it felt like home. I loved it there.
Lifelong friends are a spectacular gift. I have had the same best friend since I was 8 yrs old. We don’t even need to speak to hear each other. We will start giggling at the same time without a word spoken. She knows if I am sad, nervous, excited. She just knows. Always has. The friendships I made in Santa Monica are still deep, only now time has seasoned them with compassion and shared history. Laugher comes fast and heartily. Inside jokes delightfully effortless. Forgiveness and patience ever present and comfortably assumed. The friends who sat with me during my darkest hours to date and never mentioned my swollen face but found words of kindness and hope. It was my privilege to reciprocate when it was their turn for life to douse them in disappointment or heartbreak. I can’t imagine a better definition of love.
Music has been my longest most consistent love. Always there to vibrate into my heart and heal, understand, celebrate or dream. Music carries me to wherever I want or need to go. Conundrums become clear then fade into inspiration. I was blessed to be given the ability to participate in creating it. It has taken me on the most wondrous adventures. There can never be a bad time for music. Music is always a good idea.
I love the rain. Californian’s celebrate the rain like it’s a miracle falling from the sky. For us it kind of is. After so many years of drought it feels magical and rare. The golden state becomes green. It gives us a sense of hope and renewal. Then on day 3 generally Californians are over it. Time for sunshine, surfing, skateboarding and coffee outside at a favorite out of the way spot. But not me. The more the better! Bad hair seems a small price to pay for the cool drops on my face. Some of my friends joke that I must have been a duck in my last life. I do so love the rain.
Unconditional love. That’s simple. My daughter gets that. She gets all of it. One of the most courageous and kind people I have ever encountered. She is an old soul in beautiful packaging. I endeavor everyday to soak her up while she is still under my stewardship. I never felt she was mine per se more that I was here as a guide to facilitate her life’s journey. I have followed her lead regarding her interests. When she was about 2 years old she was fascinated by seaweed. We looked up all the kinds of seaweed and what animals might live in and around it. We first looked on the internet then marched with purpose to the library to read about it in books. We did get sidetracked once or twice reading about mermaids and sharks but that didn’t last long. We were on a mission. One afternoon, miniature pink backpack in place stuffed with an emergency juice box, magnifying glass, sandwich baggies (for specimens). Pig tails high and tight we were off to discover what was what on the beach. Priceless memories. These and many others I will take with me when I go. There may be no guarantees in life but one thing is for certain, I will be the first one on the other side when she passes to the next realm to greet her and make even more memories.
OK romantic love….. I have no idea…. I gave it the ole college try as they say. I am not a quitter but I am not sure romance is what it’s all about. I will try share what I think love might be between two people.
Trust comes to mind first. To completely trust someone and be honorable enough to be trusted. This means a leveling up from my past. Naiveté ran the show then. I thought, If I trusted and loved then obviously it would be reciprocated. “Love is patient. Love is kind.“ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. I’ve heard this passage at nearly every wedding I ever went to. I believed it. Lived by it. Just one more week, month, year. I need to be more patient. I could always work on being more kind. It doesn’t say anything about trust. It sort of dances around it but does not say so explicitly. For me trust looks like this… mostly… it’s a work in progress. Speak kindly and honestly. Speak your truth even if, especially if, you don’t know how it will be received. Speak in a way that is soft to hear. Speak it out loud to only the one who needs to hear it. This takes some courage but I believe it is essential.
Vulnerability. Love even if it’s scary. Say it. Say it in words. Show it in actions. Be responsible with it when speaking to others. I don’t know about you but to love someone again could possibly be the most terrifying thing there is. To allow your heart to be exposed to the point it could be broken and taken advantage of is not an easy task. To allow all, I mean all, of your shortcomings to be exposed to one person is breathlessly risky. My heart races a bit just writing about it. But there is nothing worth having that is without risk. I believe playing it cool or safe is an arrogance that flies in the face of life’s greatest gift.
Intimacy. Sex is the first thing most men I encounter think of regarding intimacy. For me it is that, but also belly laughing, slow dancing in the shower, pillow talking, hand holding and that epic glance across a room. The one where time stands still and you both know. I’ve got you. I choose you. You are my friend and lover. I don’t know if I will experience that kind of love but I do believe it exists. That will have to do for now.
I have been truly blessed with an abundance of all kinds loves. Would I go back and change anything? Maybe a few things. But I wouldn’t have learned the lessons I learned nor have the visceral appreciation for what I believe is possible.